Clever Title

Dear Awkward Man,

We all have our preferred techniques and styles for using a urinal but some of us shouldn’t exercise our past habits. Proper urinal etiquette states that a man must leave one urinal open between users if there are any such stations available, you are no such man. You always come in blazing, whistling some odd tune with a stroll that says I’m not in a hurry, when clearly you are. You choose the urinal right next to me, who is on the end, when there is clearly a bank of 7 open. You first spit into the urinal upon your approach as if you are priming the flushing engine of the urinal. I, out of courtesy, tighten up my stance by doing the foot-wiggle-in to give your giant boots (you are always wearing boots) a little more space. You for the record should be just as uncomfortable with our feet touching and should one-leg-it if you find it necessary to avoid such contact. You of course are breathing far heavier than any one should ever breathe in a public restroom and I know for a fact that you have not just finished jogging because you are wearing boots. It is at this point that you feel that you must stabilize yourself by placing- nay by slapping your left hand directly above you onto the wall in front of you. This is paired with leaning forward and hanging of the head. Now every once in a while you feel the need to throw your head back. Don’t make me, but if I have to I will, give you a verbal reminder of the all important “Eyes on the road.” Right about now you some how manage to find your breathe only to start whistling again. Whistling while you work does not apply in this particular situation. Please, your preferred method at home does not fly in public; reel it back in and put a lid on it awkward urinal man.